November 23, 2005

And so...

and so tomorrow there will be another number,
for the one who had a name.

November 07, 2005

Fragmented Female

What do you do when you have no motivation to get the work done?

The papers keep getting put off.
You can't see the floor of your room anymore
and you keep reminding yourself you'll do it...

...later.

You're freaking out on the inside
wondering if you'll fall through the cracks this time.

You stop and think about what life would be like if you just said 'fuck it'.

You suddenly wake up to reality and wonder why the hell you're talking in the third person.

I take one last look around the room, suck it up and start writing the paper.

October 25, 2005

Calendar Girl


If I am lost for a day try and find me,
but if I don't come back then I wont look behind me.
All of the things that I thought were so easy
just got harder and harder each day- The Stars

October 23, 2005

satisfaction lies within the imagination

Scenario: Monday morning.

Sitting on the streetcar, looking over my study notes for an exam. A woman comes on, decides to sit right behind me and chop on her gum profusely. I’m talking full open mouth chewing action to the point that I can hear the saliva swooshing around in her mouth. I turn around to give her the ‘annoyed’ look. She doesn’t get it. She continues to chomp. I turn around and grab her by the back of her head and smash it into window…repeatedly until her gum falls out of her mouth. Suddenly I hear “Church Street” over the loudspeaker. I awaken from my daydream, grab my things and exit with a smirk on my face

October 11, 2005

Still


The World Keeps Spinning
But I am Still. 

August 22, 2005

Summer Days


drifting away to oh, those summer nights...

May 28, 2005

Meet Francesca Woodman


Francesca Woodman
 (1958-1981) was an American photographer best known for her black and white pictures featuring herself and female models. Many of her photographs show young nude women, blurred by camera movement and long exposure times, merging with their surroundings, or with their faces obscured. Her work continues to be the subject of much attention, years after she committed suicide at the age of 22.

 

The beauty and intelligence in her photographs are a testament to the tragedy of her loss and the depth of her sorrow. I am forever in awe of her. 








May 04, 2005

Chicken Shit

WARNING: I HATE PETA

So I was walking along Front Street today when I noticed a crowd of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) petitioning about boycotting KFC. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw the sign, "Broken Wings and Legs".
This seems to be a touchy subject in the news right now... so why not feel it up?

First of all, Pamela Anderson of all people is representing this case for PETA. Last time I checked big boobs loves to sport the leather.

Second, this issue is a problem in the United States right now. What the hell are you petitioning in Canada for? All the chickens used in the Canadian chains of KFC come from the same manufacturers that we buy from in the grocery stores. This is clearly another American fuck-up. I understand you're trying to spread the message, but what the hell kind of power do we have over our what our neighbours next door are frying up? Last time I checked, they lived in their own world.

And my last point (although its my opinion) is still a fact of life. They're fucking chickens. They are not endangered, nor do they serve any other purpose in the world than to breed more chickens and feed us. If you love them so much, take one home for a day... I'm sure you'll be indulging on chicken wings when you realize how dumb they really are, along with your idea to protect them.


Don't say I never warned you...

April 20, 2005

Growing Up

Today we go back to the places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before that. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday. As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become.

You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand. The memories and the stories from school won't mean anything to anyone at home and yet you resent them for that… if only they could share that happiness with you.
Who will you call first?
What will you do your first weekend home with your friends?
How long before you actually start missing people barging in without calling or knocking?
Who will get Big Slice with you at 3am?


Then you start to realize how much things have changed, and you realize the hardest part of university/college is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind.

Today, we leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8:00am classes, and the perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we lived in it for eighteen years.

But it is different now.

We now know the meaning of true friendship. We know whom we have kept in touch with over the past year and whom we hold dearest in our hearts. We've left our high school world to deal with the real world. We've had our hearts broken, we've fallen in love, we've helped our best friends overcome depression, stress and death. We've been wasted and we've stayed up all night on the phone just to talk to a friend in need.

There have been times when we've felt so helpless being hours away from home when we know our families needed us, and there are times we know we have made a difference.

Today we leave.
Today we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes.
We will leave our friends whose random email and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer. We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world. We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us to laughter and tears over the year. We will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year. Today we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in some way, we will find our place between these two completely different worlds...

April 18, 2005

bubbles

there is something magical about bubbles.

someone buy me a damn bubble machine for my bday

The Value of Knowledge

So its been a while, but the procrastination has finally come back to bite me in the ass. Exam time= crunch time with a side of stress and sleepless nights. Just want to give a few shout outs to my best friends Starbucks and Redbull who helped me get through this… I couldn’t have done it without you.



As I sat outside today in front of my residence (Pitman Hall) studying for my final exam, (yes the end is near) I looked around at my fellow peers and got carried away again observing their actions. I hope it doesn’t come off weird when I say that I am fascinated watching other people when they don’t think anyone is looking. I find people are more cautious when they know they are being watched (and I’m sure many scientifical studies have proven this).

But then I started to become aware of the sights and sounds around us, as a group of young adults baking outside in the sun. The music playing, the fire truck sirens, the chatter of knowledge…all combining into one great ambient force. The majority of people had their head buried in some type of reading material from books, to notes, to magazines. We are a generation bombarded, yet enticed with ideas that address and question our intellect. But then I wondered, are we really learning anything valuable here?

Lets say I was to go to bed tonight and wake up thousands of years in the past with the knowledge I have now. Would it be of any use if I really can’t explain nor create the system that I live in now, where everything is literally at my fingertips? We think we’re so great and modern, but the problem is we depend on it. I depend on it.

This year for example, I learned the system of radio transmission; signals are sent through the air to be picked up by receivers. Simple right? But how would I explain that to someone in the past who has no concept of music, let alone the radio. These signals travel through the air… like birds? Like magic? Same thing goes for television, and computers… or any piece of technology for that matter.
What good is knowledge if it just floats through the air? It travels from computer to computer. It changes and grows every day but few actually understand it. We just use it. Depend on it. Expect it.

Hmm... I wonder what would happen if it was all taken away. If we lived in a world where the only conflict of interest would be who makes the fire, and who does the hunting, opposed to who gets to control the tv remote. Oh wait, scratch that, everyone pretty much has their own television now.

April 12, 2005

Secrets


The very secret that you're trying to conceal
is the very same one that you're dying to reveal- Feist

March 31, 2005

illusions


judge me not
and let me be
don't go by what
you think you see

March 30, 2005

Vitamin D Love


and the sun felt so good on my skin today...

March 18, 2005

Meet Richard May

he's been my inspiration for my upcoming Digital Media projects:


Check out more of this work here

A City Full of Broken Mirrors

We as humans always want something more…something better than what we’ve been given. It’s all over the media, its in the shows we watch, and frankly, being a student at Ryerson, I couldn’t possibly escape being bombarded with billboards upon billboards of the ‘ideal’ product or look claiming to better my life.


The flashing lights, the endless pamphlets, and the people preaching the ‘word’ of God?
This is Toronto. Or is it?

Today as I walked past the giant billboard of Sarah Jessica Parker posing for a Gap ad, I couldn’t help but wonder, in a city where ‘beauty’ seems to be unattainable, why are we always chasing it?


I mean we have American shows like 'The Swan' and 'Extreme Makeover' which only reinforce the message that you're body is never good enough. My professor played us an old clip from a tv show in the late 50's called 'Queen for a Day' where different housewives would literally compete for who had the worst life and why they deserved to be pampered. It made me sick to my stomach seeing each woman trying to top the other, and today much hasn't changed. Its something within all of us, no matter how nice of a person you are; we females are ALWAYS competing with one another. And the finger of blame almost always gets pointed to the media. But what if the media, and all other messages were swiped off the earth completely... would we all of a sudden be nice to one another?
For some reason, I highly doubt it.

Sure it would be nice to have more shows out there embracing woman in a positive way, but really it all comes down to your own self confidence. As hard as it is to see yourself in a city full of broken mirrors, it comes back to how you absorb it, and what you decide to do with it. I passed another billboard today with Paris Hilton on it, I realized that you've essentially got two choices: become depressed by it, or look at it and realize you've got way more than she ever will... class and respect.
As I posted in my earlier blog,

Its not what you do to your body
but what you do to your mind that counts

March 13, 2005

photoshop


I scanned this daisy and photoshopped it for my Digital Media Class. It's amazing what you can transform with Photoshop.

Skipping the Small Talk

It seems that the theme of my conversations lately have regarded the act of ‘blogging’.  Just yesterday I had a friend ask me, “What’s so great about blogging?”

The answer is simple; there isn’t anything so ‘great’ about blogging. It is what it is. Yet, it makes so much sense for me to do it. I’m growing up today in a technologically savvy generation where literally everything is going web-based and digital. Clearly, I see nothing wrong with bringing my thoughts online.

To me blogging is like having that deep conversation with a friend where you’re past the point of small talk and dig right in to the issue.We all build up models of how we see the world around us. The more information we have, the more we refine our model one way or another. What we ultimately do, is tell ourselves a story of what the outside world is. Any information I absorb from my environment is always coloured by the experiences I’ve already had. I believe Mr. Keating put it well in Dead Poet’s Society when he said, “We don't read and write poetry because it’s cute, we read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, and the human race is filled with passion."

To blog, to bitch, to better ones-self…whatever you want to call it, simply works for me. Now, no doubt people may disagree with what it is I have to say, but that’s the beauty of it all; it is something I can call my own. However insignificant it may seem in the web world, it’s enough to keep me satisfied simply because I am being true to myself. Beat to my own drum if you will. And right now, the beat is sounding pretty damn nice. Try it sometime.

March 09, 2005

March 08, 2005

We May Have Conquered 4 Seasons, But Can We Weather The Financial Hurricane?

So today I sat myself down and really thought about things. What began as a career path question ended in a radical observation on life. As if I'm not already in a financial slump, the future outlook doesn't look quite promising either.

No doubt, times are pretty good right now when it comes to society's financial stability. Real estate is booming, corporations are expanding, and wealthy families are adding more to their pockets with each passing year. People are truely outwitting and outplaying, but doesn't only one person outlast the others in the game of survivor?

Let's be honest, the larger corporations get, the less loyalty they exhibit.
Life expectancy is shooting higher, while saving up for it is well underestimated.
The pension system can and WILL be defeated by demographics.
and society's distorted love affair with real-estate will only lead to heartbreak years from now.
Call me naive, but I can't help seeing the truth when I dissect the logistics of it all

It seems that my parents' generation have the mentality that playing by the old rules(working hard, paying your taxes, and raising your children) is the key to success. Yet, today people are getting married later, delay having children, and even with twice as many dual-income families as a generation ago, people still believe they have no job security. So I started to wonder, in a world where morality appears to be dead, isn't an old-fashioned approach to life now just a one-way ticket to failure?

The government is over 600 billion dollars in debt... it will NOT be there to help you decades from now. As the baby boom generation ages, who's going to buy all these four-bedroom suburban homes that they live in now?
So with the lack of workplace justice and plethora of empty homes that will haunt my future, (along with no doubt corporate mergers sweeping away tens of thousands of jobs without warning) Isn't the only security we have, is that which we create for ourselves?

So why today, are people still putting forth all their money into their homes, when really you have no way of knowing its going to be worth the same amount years from now. Are we on the way to another depression? and if so, does anyone else see it? I'm sure they do... but disussing it would only cause a moral panic.
It just seems like my generation is getting the shorter end of the stick...
Once this all passes, and the boomers retire, will we be left cleaning up their shitty remains?

How do you win immunity when there is none?

February 28, 2005

Cartwheels


I promise to do at least one cartwheel a year for the rest of my life...

February 08, 2005

Life Comes and Goes so Quickly

To top off my shitty week (and yes, it's ONLY Tuesday) my mum informed me last night that one of my family members passed away and another is in critical condition.
All I could do was cry...
I know that life doesn't go on forever, but I think having two pieces of bad news hitting me at once was hard to take.

I started thinking about the people in my life, and how at any given moment, they too could disappear.

So many questions raced through my mind... Was our last exchange honest or just a silly repartee? Did I say everything I wanted to say to that person? Did we leave things on a good note? But most of all I wondered, did I know that person as well as I could have?

It seems that our society has become so wrapped up in itself...

...I have become wrapped up in myself.

Today I realized that there is more to life that just my selfish shortcomings.
Here I was complaining about a silly flu bug, while someone, somewhere, was struggling just to breathe.

I've decided to visit my Grandfather in Florida for reading week, because frankly I have so many questions about the man's life that I have always wanted to know. What was stopping me from doing this sooner?
...Me.

People often say repsect your elders, and now for the first time, I understand why.

February 07, 2005


the journey is that much better with a friend by my side. Posted by Hello

January 09, 2005

.the night.

It began with a bumping party at my good man Markus’ pad.
.Drunken talks.
.Puking fucks.
.but a night with soul .

. it only gets better as my shirt gets wetter.
.with splashes of good vibrations engulfing me.

.Quality rolled J's that went down .
.Smooth.
.and streaming through my body.
.lke JD’s clean-cut scratches.

.Time does not matter here.
.in this chapter.
.of consciousness.

.I.
.a brown-flame hurricane.
.feel weightless.

.And happy.
.to be here.
.At this moment in time.
.of mystery.

.This place.
.streams inside of me.
.To my core.

.And I want nothing more.
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